Everytime im alone, an uneasy feeling comes over me... Its been near 4 months since my mother passed but everytime a thought of her passes my mind i feel absolutely helpless...
I no longer have that sense of security which i previously possessed.. Security of what i do not know but there is defenitely a void..
But one lesson ive picked up through all of this is ... "You cant really give a shit about what happens to anyone.. You can pretend but u cant give a shit.. HONESTLY"..
If someone were to come and ask me who i cared for the most in my life i would give you two names Nalini and Tanveer... I know i love them because ..as fucked up as this may sound ...i would just breakdown if i got that one call again which tells me from more than a 1000 miles that i need to catch the next flight home..
Sticking to the same issue i would Definitely feel fucked up if my nani or mama were to pass on but i know for sure i could probably regain my composure in a week or so...
but all said and done we have vested interests in everything... DEATH included...
wen i reflect upon what i miss most about mom not being around, i realize its just that one phone call that assured me that i would always be wanted and loved or the fact that i could just spill out my problems to her and know that my shit was being taken care of.. one could brand that as love but theres a major element of selfishness involved if you ask me...
The biggest sham/mockery ive seen is the way my "Army Toughie" of a dad brokedown repeatedly whenever people came to mourn mom... I realized then that karma is probably real.. as sadistic as this may sound but i couldnt give a flying fuck for the people who never appreciated her when she was around..
On the issue of mourning .. Fuck those people who couldnt really give a shit but talk as if they would fuckin adopt you in the blink of an eye... Pretentious cocksuckers , socially retarded people who keep asking the same fucking question... "Arey yeh kaise hua??... Rumi bhabhi ka to hume kabhi socha nahi tha"...
Let me let you in on little secret... observe these very people when someone who matters to them passes on... A REAL FUCKING DIFFERENCE........ i dont need your sympathy or empathy all i need from you is to act normal and get along with your fucking day.........
I no longer have that sense of security which i previously possessed.. Security of what i do not know but there is defenitely a void..
But one lesson ive picked up through all of this is ... "You cant really give a shit about what happens to anyone.. You can pretend but u cant give a shit.. HONESTLY"..
If someone were to come and ask me who i cared for the most in my life i would give you two names Nalini and Tanveer... I know i love them because ..as fucked up as this may sound ...i would just breakdown if i got that one call again which tells me from more than a 1000 miles that i need to catch the next flight home..
Sticking to the same issue i would Definitely feel fucked up if my nani or mama were to pass on but i know for sure i could probably regain my composure in a week or so...
but all said and done we have vested interests in everything... DEATH included...
wen i reflect upon what i miss most about mom not being around, i realize its just that one phone call that assured me that i would always be wanted and loved or the fact that i could just spill out my problems to her and know that my shit was being taken care of.. one could brand that as love but theres a major element of selfishness involved if you ask me...
The biggest sham/mockery ive seen is the way my "Army Toughie" of a dad brokedown repeatedly whenever people came to mourn mom... I realized then that karma is probably real.. as sadistic as this may sound but i couldnt give a flying fuck for the people who never appreciated her when she was around..
On the issue of mourning .. Fuck those people who couldnt really give a shit but talk as if they would fuckin adopt you in the blink of an eye... Pretentious cocksuckers , socially retarded people who keep asking the same fucking question... "Arey yeh kaise hua??... Rumi bhabhi ka to hume kabhi socha nahi tha"...
Let me let you in on little secret... observe these very people when someone who matters to them passes on... A REAL FUCKING DIFFERENCE........ i dont need your sympathy or empathy all i need from you is to act normal and get along with your fucking day.........
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