Musica..

Well as i write this im playing this newly discovered band( for me) called Kasabian. They sound good but somewhere deep down i feel im not being true to my real musical affinities.. The have a strong hint of electronica and house and sound more processed and sophisticated than the Roses, then why is it that i cant tell a musically "educated" person that i like kasabian along with my other "acceptable" tastes in music.
  As i dig deeper , i see a full blown ,out and out war between metalheads , hip hop  afficianados, rock fans ,classic rock nuts and bla bla bla. I can say that because i myself am a forerunner in this war  . I cannot hold a conversation with a 'reborn' music fan whose left behind his pretty 'nickelback' music phase and thinks hes ready to rock out with zepellin and sabbath and discuss his musical feelings about the bands with me. These kinda people put me off the most,and god do i derive pleasure in humiliating them by telling them to fuckin kill themselves cause theyve heard and love the 4th zepellin album..

In all honesty musical tastes like everything take time to hone and nurture.. From personal experiences people with good musical tastes defenitely make better conversationalists.. they dont come across as shallow and atleast they know WHAT THEYRE FUCKIN TALKING ABOUT...

I hate hardcore metalheads too man.. theyre like vermin.. period..  the only class of musically educated fans who have no fucking sense of reason.. This is just my opinion beacuse if someone wer to read this i cant imagine the backlash... Also these north eastern musically evolved motherfuckers are just getting a tad too much to handle.. the sole objective of their life is to find a shittier (shittier being heavier, more technical, faster etc etc things which aint necessarily goood for the music) band..

A SEASON OF CHANGES

Everytime im alone, an uneasy feeling comes over me... Its been near 4 months since my mother passed but everytime a thought of her passes my mind i feel absolutely helpless...
I no longer have that sense of security which i previously possessed.. Security of what i do not know but there is defenitely a void..
But one lesson ive picked up through all of this is ... "You cant really give a shit about what happens to anyone.. You can pretend but u cant give a shit.. HONESTLY"..
If someone were to come and ask me who i cared for the most in my life i would give you two names Nalini and Tanveer... I know  i love them because ..as fucked up as this may sound ...i would just breakdown if i got that one call again which tells me from more than a 1000 miles that i need to catch the next flight home..
Sticking to the same issue i would Definitely feel fucked up if my nani or mama were to pass on but i know for sure i could probably regain my composure in a week or so...
but all said and done we have vested interests in everything... DEATH included...
wen i reflect upon what i miss most about mom not being around, i realize its just that one phone call that assured me that i would always be wanted and loved or the fact that i could just spill out my problems to her and know that my shit was being taken care of.. one could brand that as love but theres a major element of selfishness involved if you ask me...
The biggest sham/mockery ive seen is the way my "Army Toughie" of a dad brokedown repeatedly whenever people came to mourn mom... I realized then that karma is probably real.. as sadistic as this may sound but i couldnt give a flying fuck for the people who never appreciated her when she was around..
On the issue of mourning .. Fuck those people who couldnt really give a shit but talk as if they would fuckin adopt you in the blink of an eye... Pretentious cocksuckers , socially retarded people who keep asking the same fucking question... "Arey yeh kaise hua??... Rumi bhabhi ka to hume kabhi socha nahi tha"...
Let me let you in on little secret... observe these very people when someone who matters to them passes on... A REAL FUCKING DIFFERENCE........ i dont need your sympathy or empathy all i need from you is to act normal and get along with your fucking day.........